Divorce Proofing Your Marriage Part One

In her book, "Divorce Proofing Your Marriage," Linda S. Mintle (2001, p. 11-19) provides three preconditions that will go a long way toward divorce-proofing one's marriage.  In this post, I will present the first precondition: Consider the possibility that you contribute to ongoing or past problems.

Wow! I know that making such an admission is sometimes difficult to do. However, as Dr. Mintle points out, a marital couple is made up of two people and before one complains about their spouse, he or she should take a hard look at themselves. 

Of course, it is not healthy nor right to take responsibility for or to become the scapegoat for problems that are not yours.  However, is it possible that you are not the perfect mate? Would you be open to that possibility? Sure, you may be close to perfect, but are you actually--in every way--blameless? Without fault?

Dr. Mintle suggests asking the following questions:

  1.  Do I carry old wounds from my past?
  2.  Am I operating out of fear or other unhealthy emotions?
  3.  Have I blamed my spouse for things that are really mine?
  4.  Am I allowing myself to be deceived, falling away from truth?
  5.  Am I willing to believe change is possible?
  6.  Am I walking in a close and intimate relationship with God, or have I relegated Him to a backseat position?
  7.  Do I even believe what God says is true?

The author concludes her comments on this first precondition by insisting that instead of blaming, perhaps one should rather conduct an accurate assessment of what he or she has contributed to the marital problem(s).  

I agree with her.  Often, one's personal issues--those issues that are not related to his or her spouse--will affect his/her spouse.  I know that taking a personal inventory is not always fun.  In fact, doing so can be very unpleasant.  Going to the dentist can also be very unpleasant.  But, it is necessary if one wants to prevent future pain and loss of teeth.  

So, how important is your marriage to you? Perhaps it's time to take a personal inventory.


Mintle, L.  (2001).  Divorce proofing your marriage.  Lake Mary, Florida: Siloam Press.